Something I've learned
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.
Isn't that strange? We cry alone. When others are most needed, we cry alone. Or at least I do. My tears and my pain hurt others if I show them. So I cry alone. In bed, before I sleep. In bed, before I wake up. In the bathroom. Alone.
I used to have someone I felt comfortable crying to. That was how it worked - I supported him in tough times, he supported me. But he quit.
And there are so many people who love me, who would want me to cry to them. But if I cried to them, that would cause them pain, and I don't want to do that. It hurts me even more to see them hurting, just like it hurts them to see me hurting.
It's so much easier to laugh with others than it is to cry. If I laugh, if I make my hurt funny, if I post on this bloody blog, then people think I'm doing okay, which makes them feel better, which makes everything so much easier. Except that sometimes I'm not doing okay, and I haven't worked out how to be not okay.
I want to lie down, have someone put their arms around me and let me cry without them having to take on my pain. Without reminding them of their pain.
Don't worry, I'll go back to laughing soon. But I won't stop crying alone.
Isn't that strange? We cry alone. When others are most needed, we cry alone. Or at least I do. My tears and my pain hurt others if I show them. So I cry alone. In bed, before I sleep. In bed, before I wake up. In the bathroom. Alone.
I used to have someone I felt comfortable crying to. That was how it worked - I supported him in tough times, he supported me. But he quit.
And there are so many people who love me, who would want me to cry to them. But if I cried to them, that would cause them pain, and I don't want to do that. It hurts me even more to see them hurting, just like it hurts them to see me hurting.
It's so much easier to laugh with others than it is to cry. If I laugh, if I make my hurt funny, if I post on this bloody blog, then people think I'm doing okay, which makes them feel better, which makes everything so much easier. Except that sometimes I'm not doing okay, and I haven't worked out how to be not okay.
I want to lie down, have someone put their arms around me and let me cry without them having to take on my pain. Without reminding them of their pain.
Don't worry, I'll go back to laughing soon. But I won't stop crying alone.
posted by Jessie at 3:58 pm
6 Comments:
I feel better now.
You have every right to cry perhaps your friends and family would find it a release too?
Remember you are never alone there is One who has His arms around you and wants you to cry in His arms, He will carry your "pain".
Suggest as fad food Butterscotch custard, 3/4 cup brown sugar, 3 level tblsps flour, 450 mls milk, 2 egg yolks beaten, 60g butter, 1 tsp vanilla, 2 egg whites beaten.
Combine sugar flour & milk in saucepan cook slowly while stirring till thickened, add butter vanilla & egg yolks, cook another minute, cool. Fold in egg whites, serve warm with bananas. I have made this when I have had throat infections, would like to make it for you to try if I was with you, Marion.
I'll put my hand up as one of the loving family who cries about Jess' pain. She is soooo brave and never complains about the pain, the heat, the endless discomfort & inconvenience, the injustice of it all!!! Fortunately we are a positive bunch who want to not only add to Jess' quality of life but want to make sure that she sticks around long enough to continue to savour the fine things in life with us. I finally sat down to set my goals on the weekend and one of them is to treat Jess to a spa weekend at Hayman Island this year. It means a little discomfort, a lot of rejection and putting in a bigger effort, but Jess is worth every bit of it!
Hello Jess, having trouble getting my comments to stay then, but then perhaps it is my lack of knowledge in 'blogging'.
Don't worry my Friend, I have no doubt whatsoever that you cry alone, I have no doubt that many many people cry WITH you, for you as well, but WITH you, I know I do.
Jess, you are such a beautiful person, in more ways than one, you have such a stoic philosophy on life, which is a credit to you and it makes most peoples everyday problems quite insignificant and I wish that many many more people can get the opportunity of reading your story and they will also then cry WITH you and realise that, generally, their everyday crisis' probably don't deserve the attention that they generally create.
Keep fighting my friend and I look forward to the day when I can get to Brisbane to see you.
Love & Best Wishes always
Coleen & Warren xx
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