Out of the woodwork...
Wow.
This is what's missing in so much of life. Real sharing and love. This is what happens when you make it okay to be vulnerable and actually share your pain. People respond. And you do understand. And I'm not alone.
For the past few days I've been really good, actually. I have re-remembered something that I actually know quite well, I was just ignoring in all the wallowing. Happiness is being content with what you do have. Unhappiness is being discontented with all you don't have. At no point is the situation any different. This is what I believe is at the heart of so much malaise in society. People are so focussed on what they don't have that they forget to look at what they do.
Thank you to those who came out of the woodwork to tell me I'm not alone. Thank you to those who read my blog and quietly called just to say hello, to show me I'm not alone.
I don't really have words to tell you what it means to me. So let that be evidence enough of how touched I am. Ultimately I have to travel this journey alone. But it helps that I have a full caravan of support vehicles.
I found a brochure for a support group here in Brisbane. It was an eight week course, and they wanted $320 for the course. $320 to talk about yourself and do a bit of meditation. That's $40 a session. Blogging is free. Instant talking about yourself. You guys rock, you are a great support group. (They also wanted women with a 'positive' diagnosis. $40 to talk about yourself and the fact that you're already going to survive. Sheesh.)
There is something I want recorded for posterity but at the same time I don't really want to share with you guys. It is definitely an overshare. But it has been my sole waking thought for the past couple of days and as such needs to be recorded as part of the cancer journey.
Poop is like health. You don't really miss it or even think about it until it's not there. And if it's not there, then you can't think or do anything else. Unfortunately, with poop, it's still there. It's just not going where it's supposed to be going. It just sits there, making you as sluggish and as stupid as a stoned hippo. And about as fat.
It's very easy for a doctor to say "Well Jess, we've given you enough drugs to constipate an elephant." (Quote.) Have you ever seen a constipated elephant functioning in normal elephant society? Well, it's not possible. There is only one thought, and it's quite a depressing, humiliating one. "Must... poop."
(Yes, you rude buggers, I have had success.)
See what I mean? Definitely an overshare. But oh, such a big part of the chemo journey!
Yes, hi to all my colleagues, and everyone at church. Oh dear.
I have gone back to feeling blessed for all the good things in life, and less focussed on the giant buttocks. It is normal to be sad about things, but it is not my whole life. I reserve the right to be sad sometimes, and not feel bad about it. I will also share it more often. And I also reserve the right to be happy too. And I reserve the right to chop and change between the two and all the grey in between as much as I bloody well want to.
This round of chemo has actually been quite good - very little nausea, very little bone pain and now that my little problem has gone away, it should be quite smooth for my trip to Sydney next week. So much of my well-being boils down to the three Ps - pain, puking and poop.
Pussycat Dolls are on tonight! My Dad actually bought round a radio so that I could listen to Radio National. I think he thinks I'm rotting my brain. He's probably right.
Thank you again.
May God bless you as much as he does me.
Jess xoxoxo
This is what's missing in so much of life. Real sharing and love. This is what happens when you make it okay to be vulnerable and actually share your pain. People respond. And you do understand. And I'm not alone.
For the past few days I've been really good, actually. I have re-remembered something that I actually know quite well, I was just ignoring in all the wallowing. Happiness is being content with what you do have. Unhappiness is being discontented with all you don't have. At no point is the situation any different. This is what I believe is at the heart of so much malaise in society. People are so focussed on what they don't have that they forget to look at what they do.
Thank you to those who came out of the woodwork to tell me I'm not alone. Thank you to those who read my blog and quietly called just to say hello, to show me I'm not alone.
I don't really have words to tell you what it means to me. So let that be evidence enough of how touched I am. Ultimately I have to travel this journey alone. But it helps that I have a full caravan of support vehicles.
I found a brochure for a support group here in Brisbane. It was an eight week course, and they wanted $320 for the course. $320 to talk about yourself and do a bit of meditation. That's $40 a session. Blogging is free. Instant talking about yourself. You guys rock, you are a great support group. (They also wanted women with a 'positive' diagnosis. $40 to talk about yourself and the fact that you're already going to survive. Sheesh.)
There is something I want recorded for posterity but at the same time I don't really want to share with you guys. It is definitely an overshare. But it has been my sole waking thought for the past couple of days and as such needs to be recorded as part of the cancer journey.
Poop is like health. You don't really miss it or even think about it until it's not there. And if it's not there, then you can't think or do anything else. Unfortunately, with poop, it's still there. It's just not going where it's supposed to be going. It just sits there, making you as sluggish and as stupid as a stoned hippo. And about as fat.
It's very easy for a doctor to say "Well Jess, we've given you enough drugs to constipate an elephant." (Quote.) Have you ever seen a constipated elephant functioning in normal elephant society? Well, it's not possible. There is only one thought, and it's quite a depressing, humiliating one. "Must... poop."
(Yes, you rude buggers, I have had success.)
See what I mean? Definitely an overshare. But oh, such a big part of the chemo journey!
Yes, hi to all my colleagues, and everyone at church. Oh dear.
I have gone back to feeling blessed for all the good things in life, and less focussed on the giant buttocks. It is normal to be sad about things, but it is not my whole life. I reserve the right to be sad sometimes, and not feel bad about it. I will also share it more often. And I also reserve the right to be happy too. And I reserve the right to chop and change between the two and all the grey in between as much as I bloody well want to.
This round of chemo has actually been quite good - very little nausea, very little bone pain and now that my little problem has gone away, it should be quite smooth for my trip to Sydney next week. So much of my well-being boils down to the three Ps - pain, puking and poop.
Pussycat Dolls are on tonight! My Dad actually bought round a radio so that I could listen to Radio National. I think he thinks I'm rotting my brain. He's probably right.
Thank you again.
May God bless you as much as he does me.
Jess xoxoxo
posted by Jessie at 4:43 pm
2 Comments:
HI Jess
Yes! I am first to comment again! Seems like everytime I read your blog, you have just posted an entry (coincidence, I think not! Great minds think alike - or maybe it's ESP???). Your story gives so much inspiration to so many - don't doubt it for a second. And it's not limited to those who leave comments - I know a certain 'ginger kid' who reads your blog religiously ... Even when you write about poop.
Mark
PS Thanks Michael J. I had to google 'erudite' to check you weren't making fun of me! hahaha
Hey Jess,
thanks for your blogs, it's a little like having you back at Baulko, really apreciate your honesty. We all miss you and are continually praying for you.
Our little one is getting bigger, hope you can see her soon.
God Bless.
Derrick, Mel and little miss Finlaye
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