Les resultas

Howdy troops.

I've been edgy for the past fortnight leading up to today's scan. Yesterday and today I was convinced that the scan would be bad. I've been really tightly wound up for quite a while now.

The scan went fine, no dramas, except my poor little 'good' vein is definitely on its last legs. I will have a bit of a problem when it dies.

The scan was clean - no sign of growth or spread in the lymph nodes, and only fractional (if at all) growth of the left ovary tumour. So it's still holding steady, or at worst, growing very slowly.

(That's good news.)

To tell the whole complete truth, I had been sort of hoping that the damn thing would just start growing and be done with it. Then I can just get on with the whole process. I haven't mastered the art of living with it yet.

But on the other hand, I definitely want as long as possible, so I need to learn to live with it. That's my challenge now. Learn to live with it hanging over me so that it doesn't consume my entire life and every waking thought like it does now. Learn to live with it.

I need to keep a list of things to do that help me regain my serenity and peace. Massage is an excellent (if expensive) means. So is meditation, and running away to read in a cafe. So is going for a walk. Chips are not.

So, learning to live with it. I can do this. Strength and serenity (my new motto, if you're interested).

I'm off to the snow tomorrow. I going to try to get through the entire weekend without talking about cancer a single time.