On survival...
Only a few months ago, I had survivor-guilt. Why me? Why did I survive? Why did I get a second chance when so many others needed it more?
Now I have survivor-envy. Although that's not really accurate. I'm not envious of survivors. I'm mad at the way society portrays survivors.
Don't get me wrong. I used to be a survivor. And it's very easy to do, to glorify the whole "I'm a survivor" thing. It feels like a great achievement, everyone is impressed at such a great achievement. To be a survivor is to be a hero.
But what is the thing that we worship about 'survivorhood'? It's the fact that a survivor has cheated death. Plain and simple. When it comes down to it, we are all so utterly terrified of death that cheating death has become the ultimate achievement.
But guess what? WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. It's not a question of if, it's a question of when. And how. A good life is not measured in how long we've lived. He who dies the oldest, does not necessarily win.
Why are we so afraid of death? It is inevitable, we will all do it someday. Why then can we not accept that it will one day happen, and incorporate it into our lives, our aiua, our souls, our selves?
Why is Lance Armstrong, who cheated death, a hero? Why is Dana Reeve, who supported her husband and family, as well as doing great things to raise the profile of quadriplegia, before dying of her cancer, a tragedy? Surely her life is amazing, something to be celebrated? Why then, is it that just because she did not live to be an old woman, her life was tragically cut short? Didn't she fill more into her life in her forty or fifty odd years than many people do in their eighty, or ninety, or a hundred and twenty?
Does it really matter how long we live? Surely the most important thing is how we've lived. Whether we've achieved what we wanted to achieve with our lives. Whether we've become the people we want to be. Whether we have loved, and are loved.
When people tell me that it's a tragedy that I'm going to die young, I hear them saying that my life so far hasn't been enough. That I haven't achieved anything. That what I've done so far isn't worth anything, and the fact that I won't get to do more is tragic.
Bullshit.
I have proved my intelligence. I have an excellent education and the makings of a fine career. I have travelled and seen the world. I have a sense of social justice. I have a faith. And most importantly, I have people in my life. I have an amazing family, all of whom I'm close to. I have a large and varied group of friends. I have the love of a good man, who I am extremely priveleged to share my life with. And it is in these people that my life's achievements are found. I am worthy enough that they love me. I am complete enough to love them too. I am open enough to have learnt from them. I have learnt enough to teach them too.
And that's not bad for a life's work. And as I learn more about life, and love, and death, I will grow more, and have more to teach. So in many ways, my life's work is just beginning. I hope you'll join me on my journey. My tragedy-free journey.
Now I have survivor-envy. Although that's not really accurate. I'm not envious of survivors. I'm mad at the way society portrays survivors.
Don't get me wrong. I used to be a survivor. And it's very easy to do, to glorify the whole "I'm a survivor" thing. It feels like a great achievement, everyone is impressed at such a great achievement. To be a survivor is to be a hero.
But what is the thing that we worship about 'survivorhood'? It's the fact that a survivor has cheated death. Plain and simple. When it comes down to it, we are all so utterly terrified of death that cheating death has become the ultimate achievement.
But guess what? WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. It's not a question of if, it's a question of when. And how. A good life is not measured in how long we've lived. He who dies the oldest, does not necessarily win.
Why are we so afraid of death? It is inevitable, we will all do it someday. Why then can we not accept that it will one day happen, and incorporate it into our lives, our aiua, our souls, our selves?
Why is Lance Armstrong, who cheated death, a hero? Why is Dana Reeve, who supported her husband and family, as well as doing great things to raise the profile of quadriplegia, before dying of her cancer, a tragedy? Surely her life is amazing, something to be celebrated? Why then, is it that just because she did not live to be an old woman, her life was tragically cut short? Didn't she fill more into her life in her forty or fifty odd years than many people do in their eighty, or ninety, or a hundred and twenty?
Does it really matter how long we live? Surely the most important thing is how we've lived. Whether we've achieved what we wanted to achieve with our lives. Whether we've become the people we want to be. Whether we have loved, and are loved.
When people tell me that it's a tragedy that I'm going to die young, I hear them saying that my life so far hasn't been enough. That I haven't achieved anything. That what I've done so far isn't worth anything, and the fact that I won't get to do more is tragic.
Bullshit.
I have proved my intelligence. I have an excellent education and the makings of a fine career. I have travelled and seen the world. I have a sense of social justice. I have a faith. And most importantly, I have people in my life. I have an amazing family, all of whom I'm close to. I have a large and varied group of friends. I have the love of a good man, who I am extremely priveleged to share my life with. And it is in these people that my life's achievements are found. I am worthy enough that they love me. I am complete enough to love them too. I am open enough to have learnt from them. I have learnt enough to teach them too.
And that's not bad for a life's work. And as I learn more about life, and love, and death, I will grow more, and have more to teach. So in many ways, my life's work is just beginning. I hope you'll join me on my journey. My tragedy-free journey.
posted by Jessie at 8:58 pm
2 Comments:
Jess, that’s an excellent post. I think you've summed it up and i agree with you. It's made me think a lot about what I want to achieve.
Thanks
Mike
Dear Jess
A friend told me years ago that he believed at the start of our lives we are all given a “package”- some packages are large, some are quite small, mostly though, we don’t know the size of our package. As we move through our lives our packages become filled with our experiences and learnings, our spiritual awareness and our connections to others. So at the end of a life, it is not the size of the package that matters but the quality of its contents. I really liked this simple philosophy and have made good use of it. I don’t know the size of my package, but I’ve had occasion to examine its contents and make adjustments.
Love Auntie Anne
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