A little something to keep you going while I'm away...

Here it is at last. A belated, long, but hopefully worth it account of the long weekend on the Sunshine Coast that I delayed surgery for. You be the judge. More when I get back from Sydney.

Much love, as always.

God bless,

Jessie xoxox



Operation Recreate Caloundra

Dramatis Personae:

Jacob : The quiet powerhouse. Part den mother, part logistician extraordinaire. Silently, from behind the scenes, will make sure everything is going well and no one is about to pass out in their own vomit. Also the only one able to control Regina.

Regina : Alpha female, organiser, maternal funster. Determined to wring fun out of every moment. Keeper of the chess pieces. Likes to make sure everyone is getting as drunk as her. Agree with her, keep her happy and have a blast.

Michael : The dark horse. Quiet, conservative, considerate. Pour the plonk down his throat though and see the inner party animal roar into life. Can actually dance. Plays too much chess though.

Bruce : The only person whose chess improves the more he drinks. Regardless of how much Regina puts in front of him. Life goal is to steal the Crown Jewels though. Plus he plays too much chess.

Raquel : Bruce's mysterious girlfriend who turns out to be gorgeous AND intelligent and thus skyrockets Bruce's cred. Fantastic addition to the group. Fails to curb Bruce's appetite for chess though.

Jessica : Nice quiet submissive girl with no opinions of her own who is always happy to go along with the wishes of the crowd. Assumed presidency of Bullwinkle via a bloodless coup. Prone to sardonic observations, understatement and the occasional outright lie (see above). Love/hate relationship with chess. For some reason has no hair. Gets the longest character description, although some of it was rubbish.

Jason : Random blow-in. Keeps Jessica quiet. Still working on submissive.

******

Scene 1: Friday
Michael is picking up Jessica. Unfortunately there is no room left in Michael's boot for Jessica's luggage.

Jessica (shaking her head): No way dude. You have not packed that enormous suitcase for only three days.

Michael (giggles sheepishly): But, but, it's got a pillow and three pairs of shorts!

Jessica : Oh dear.

Michael and Jessica drive to Bruce's to pick up Bruce and Raquel. Meet up with Regina and Jacob. All depart. Michael, Jessica, Bruce and Raquel stop so Bruce can go back for his camera. All depart again.

For some reason go to Mooloolaba. (Author was asleep in car when decision was made.) Alcohol is purchased. Some debate about how to get to destination.

Bruce is navigating while Michael drives and all cars do a scenic lap of Mooloolaba. Finally find highway. Regina and Jacob keep taking random exits off said highway. Finally find Marcoola beach and hotel. Hurrah!

Luggage is unloaded, with various personal comments. Michael has brought a small country and Jessica refuses to be separated from Winnie the Pooh.

Check in occurs and the group travels up to the room.

Jessica retires to her room to have a quick emotional breakdown.

Others run around apartment scoping out the rooms, the view, the rooftop terrace and the enormous 8 person spa.

Jacob : We need to go grocery shopping.

Jessica : I suggest that only one or two people go with a list.

Jacob : I agree.

Regina : No, I think everyone should go.

(Intense debate over individual versus communal groceries.)

Regina : I think everyone should go.

Jacob : But then we have to take two cars.

Jessica : Why don't you all go in one car and I will stay here and get over being weird.

Jacob, Regina, Michael, Bruce and Raquel go grocery shopping. Jessica goes to beach and almost freezes solid. Comes back still weird, but improved.


Scene 2: Friday night
Michael consumes glass of wine. Chess is played. Michael consumes glass of wine. At some stage someone suggests distracting the chess players and an unholy alliance between chess and suggestive ear nibbles is born. Michael consumes glass of wine. Drinking game is played (bastardised version of the one from cocktail party a few weeks back). Good quality vodka is consumed. Michael consumes glass of wine. Others also consume alcohol, but let's face it, focus is on Michael and his bottomless glass of wine. Michael has consumed bottle. Michael is officially drunk. For the first time in his life.

Michael : "Hey, I'm drunk!"

Michael : "I didn't know it was this good!"

Michael : "It's like you still know what you're doing, but it feels good!"

Michael : "You guys are amazing!"

Michael : "This is amazing!"

Michael : "Hey, I'm drunk!"

Regina : "Hey Michael, dance for us!"

Michael dances, surprisingly well.

Chess ceases and everyone retires up to the spa. And by retires I obviously mean everyone does a mad sprint up the stairs in the freezing cold and dives into the warmth.

Jessica : "Michael, wake up."

Foot massages occur in spa. (Well, there may have been other types of massages, but the foot ones were the only ones author was privy to.)

Jessica : "Michael, you can't sleep in the spa."

Mathematical discussion about size or shape or sexual preference of the universe occurs. Not entirely sure of outcome, author tunes out of the maths talk.

Jessica : "Michael, drink more water."

Jessica realises she has officially turned into Michael's mother.

All characters leave spa until eventually it is only Regina and Jessica. Jessica has stupidly wet her hat and then thrown it out of spa and is losing body heat, fast. She spends ten minutes saying "I'm getting out now" and then does the frigid dash downstairs. Jacob and Michael are playing chess. Not very cool.

Regina is very cold and has large quantity of good quality vodka in system. She develops genius idea of putting head under water for long periods of time to stay warm, in between little naps. Thankfully manages not to combine the two activities. Eventually retires downstairs.

People sleep.


Scene 3: Saturday
Some people get up early to watch sunrise. (Author oblivious.)

Some people go for walk. (Author oblivious.)

Stupid mother****ing heater in author's room does not work. (Author cold.)

Bloody Michael feels fine. (Author's head hurts.)

Bruce cooks barbeque on rooftop terrace. Lunch for most, breakfast for author. Love the steak for breakfast concept.

Jacob and Jessica go out on a church hunt. They buy a cake. They also buy some little cakes, but they cunningly eat them before they go home. Jacob buys milk.

Regina is making coffee. Jacob has bought the wrong milk. Jacob goes out again to buy the correct milk.

Chess is played (probably).


Scene 4: Saturday night
Some people, much to Raquel's relief, declare that too much chess has occurred and crack open Balderdash.

Jessica and Jacob dominate the board. Jessica gets to be the black knight. She is totally awesome. (In case you haven't worked it out, Jessica and Author are the same person.)

Word of the night: Distelfink.

Jacob : "Oh Raquel, yours was my second choice."

Regina : "Oh Raquel, yours was my second choice."

Michael : "Oh Raquel, yours was my second choice."

Bruce : "Oh Raquel, yours was my second choice."

Jessica : "Oh Raquel, yours was my second choice."

Raquel : *Line has been deleted from script.*

Jessica wins. She really is awesome. Balderdash is an awesome game, not like that ridiculous chess game. Jessica is crap at chess.

All retire to spa. Regina is not left unsupervised.

People sleep.


Scene 5: Sunday
Stupid mother****ing heater in author's room still not working.

Author cold. Gets up at five am to move to lounge where heater is working (excuse being to watch sunrise). Unfortunately Bruce and Raquel have similar idea and author has disturbed romantic moment. Author falls asleep and hopes that romantic moment can continue – snoring body in corner should add to atmosphere, not detract. Author is warm. Catches some of sunrise.

Jessica goes to church.

Bruce, Raquel and Michael go to the beach. Jessica and Regina dress up like snow terrorists and follow. Jessica and Regina stalk girl who looks like Raquel but turns out not to be. Jessica and Regina eventually find them and do their best to sunbathe in the dead of winter.

Jessica returns to apartment. Jacob dresses like snow terrorist and goes to beach. Jason arrives.

All return to apartment. Lunch is had on rooftop terrace. Jessica has a guilt attack and gets out ABC camera to continue documenting her life. Jessica feels better.

Chess is played. (A safe bet for when author does not remember exactly what happened.) Someone comes up with unique concept that since Raquel and Jason think chess is rubbish, they should play each other. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em concept is unfortunately squashed by both parties. Jason is initiated into transfer. Decides it is crap after missing a queen mates plonk. Bad workman always blames his tools.

All go out to dinner in Mooloolaba. Michael is creative navigator. Again. Good thing he can dance.

All go home. Michael and Regina get into some serious dancing. Michael has been drinking again. Decides he wants to play chess. Bruce agrees enthusiastically. Regina has had enough of chess and has been hiding the pieces. Regina comes up with cunning plan to prevent Michael playing chess – he can only play with Bruce if he can first beat Regina. Regina confident her skills and Michael's drunkenness will deliver her a crushing victory. She is wrong. Michael and Bruce play chess.

Some people go up to spa. Very romantic. Author does not kiss and tell.

People sleep.


Scene 6: Monday
Stupid mother****ing heater still not working in author's room. Author did not notice.

Cleanup operation begins. Check out occurs. Final trips to beach occur.

Jason and Michael drive home. Michael stalks Jason the whole Pacific highway. (It means he doesn't have to navigate.)

Jacob, Regina, Bruce, Raquel and Jessica go for drive up to Maleny and rainforest. Drive good. Stop at French restaurant to purchase foie gras dismal failure. Stop at fudge shop to purchase fudge rip-roaring success. Lunch relative success. Drive to rainforest.

Jacob, Regina, Bruce and Raquel go for walk to rainforest. Apparently good. Jessica sits and gets monstered by mosquitoes, then sleeps in car. Good.

Jacob, Regina, Bruce, Raquel and Jessica drive home.

All pass judgment on Operation Recreate Caloundra.

Jacob : "Ma Cool'ah Vice. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, methinks. Still, it was nicely displaced."

Regina : "A weekend to kill ya!"

Michael : "Wow! That was so amazing!"

Bruce : "Not enough chess."

Raquel : *Line has been deleted from script.*

Jessica : "Worth delaying life-saving brain surgery for."

Jason : "It seemed quite warm and friendly to me."

Curtains fall. No encores.