Warning! The whingy b***** is back!
That's quite enough sunshine and light. If you want happy lollipops, ignore this post and read the one posted last night, below. It's long and it's happy and joyful and all the rest of it.
Happy Jess was getting boring. Worse, she was getting repetitive. No one else with cancer wants to hear how well things are going for other people.
So cranky Jess is back and she's having a whinge. Please note: I will feel very bad about whinging as soon as I've posted. Please note that happy Jess is my usual state, but I still have cancer so it's important to record the crappy bits of the journey too.
I had a terrible night last night. I have been bone weary exhausted for the past week - real trouble waking up in the mornings, low energy. A day or two ago I also came down onto a lower fentanyl patch, and I'm now going through the worst withdrawal I've had since going cold turkey on pethidine five years ago. This is the first time I've had this sort of problem coming off fentanyl patches (which I've been on and off - mostly on - all year.)
All the muscles in the back of my legs and lower back ache, and I have restless legs - I can't keep them still. I've got terrible fidgets and cannot get comfortable. So I also cannot sleep. I just roll over and over like a rotisserie chicken. And I'm hot cold hot cold hot cold. And it would be so easy to get rid of all of this - a single fentanyl lollipop would make it all go away. And mean that I have to start at the beginning again to come down. So no. I get some relief if Jason rubs the back of my legs, but it comes back as soon as he stops (and yes, he needs sleep too).
And now today, since I had two valium to try to knock me out last night - unsuccessfully - I'm still groggy. I hate this.
However, by tomorrow it should be all over. I hope.
This is one of those times where it's not always easy to see God's plan, but I still need to trust in it. (See, I don't just spout that stuff when things are going well.)
I'm still loving married life. (He's currently hanging out the washing.)
See the post below for a more accurate description of where I am. This post is just a quick snapshot in time - the one below is more of a longer video.
This too will pass.
God bless you.
Jessie xoxox
Happy Jess was getting boring. Worse, she was getting repetitive. No one else with cancer wants to hear how well things are going for other people.
So cranky Jess is back and she's having a whinge. Please note: I will feel very bad about whinging as soon as I've posted. Please note that happy Jess is my usual state, but I still have cancer so it's important to record the crappy bits of the journey too.
I had a terrible night last night. I have been bone weary exhausted for the past week - real trouble waking up in the mornings, low energy. A day or two ago I also came down onto a lower fentanyl patch, and I'm now going through the worst withdrawal I've had since going cold turkey on pethidine five years ago. This is the first time I've had this sort of problem coming off fentanyl patches (which I've been on and off - mostly on - all year.)
All the muscles in the back of my legs and lower back ache, and I have restless legs - I can't keep them still. I've got terrible fidgets and cannot get comfortable. So I also cannot sleep. I just roll over and over like a rotisserie chicken. And I'm hot cold hot cold hot cold. And it would be so easy to get rid of all of this - a single fentanyl lollipop would make it all go away. And mean that I have to start at the beginning again to come down. So no. I get some relief if Jason rubs the back of my legs, but it comes back as soon as he stops (and yes, he needs sleep too).
And now today, since I had two valium to try to knock me out last night - unsuccessfully - I'm still groggy. I hate this.
However, by tomorrow it should be all over. I hope.
This is one of those times where it's not always easy to see God's plan, but I still need to trust in it. (See, I don't just spout that stuff when things are going well.)
I'm still loving married life. (He's currently hanging out the washing.)
See the post below for a more accurate description of where I am. This post is just a quick snapshot in time - the one below is more of a longer video.
This too will pass.
God bless you.
Jessie xoxox
posted by Jessie at 1:29 pm
1 Comments:
Hey Jess
You are only a few feet away from me now but i couldnt resist leaving you this post. It is fantastic to be spending this time with you in brisvegas and hearing about the wedding which I so wish I could have been there for.
I can rub your legs tonight or make you toast with butter and honey. But warning I am well and truly in holiday mode so it is not the drugs that are making the toast making time so long... it is actually just me!
Bisous from the living room
Rach xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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