Searching for peace in a mad world
Greetings all. The last couple of posts have been very factual. This one slightly less so. Blogging lately has been a bit of a chore, something that I need to do, and that's not what it was designed to be. Partly to keep people up to date, partly as a place for me to vent. Unfortunately the two can sometimes be slightly at cross-purposes - namely that sometimes there are things I need to vent about but I'm not ready to share them with the world yet! And when that sort of dissonance occurs, I tend to avoid blogging at all.
That said, the main reason I don't blog frequently is time - I'm so busy working, exercising, living that I just don't have time for 'frivolous' things like blogging.
Let's talk about time. I DO TOO MUCH. Shall I say it again? I DO TOO MUCH. And it's not that there's too much on my plate, or that life is too busy. It is that I, me personally, I, Jess, DO too much. I am constantly DOING something. I never stop DOING something. If I stop DOING, I might have to think. If I think, I might have to feel. If I feel, it might be painful. And I spend too much time planning. Even this whole cancer journey is planned as much as possible. I PLAN on having chemo in March. I plan to do things a certain way.
Life just isn't like that.
I've just come back from a marvelous retreat run by Lifeforce. I don't actually want to talk about it, partly because I don't have the words, and partly because the things I've learnt from that weekend can't be expressed in a way that others would understand.
Instead, let me tell you what I'm going to do (uh oh, sounds like I'm planning, but I'm not really).
I am going to stop doing and start being.
I am not going to read at all times, as a way of avoiding being and thinking.
I am going to spend some time every day just being. I want to create a new ritual when I wake up - to go outside with a cup of tea and just be.
In fact, I'm going to go be now.
Much love,
Jess
That said, the main reason I don't blog frequently is time - I'm so busy working, exercising, living that I just don't have time for 'frivolous' things like blogging.
Let's talk about time. I DO TOO MUCH. Shall I say it again? I DO TOO MUCH. And it's not that there's too much on my plate, or that life is too busy. It is that I, me personally, I, Jess, DO too much. I am constantly DOING something. I never stop DOING something. If I stop DOING, I might have to think. If I think, I might have to feel. If I feel, it might be painful. And I spend too much time planning. Even this whole cancer journey is planned as much as possible. I PLAN on having chemo in March. I plan to do things a certain way.
Life just isn't like that.
I've just come back from a marvelous retreat run by Lifeforce. I don't actually want to talk about it, partly because I don't have the words, and partly because the things I've learnt from that weekend can't be expressed in a way that others would understand.
Instead, let me tell you what I'm going to do (uh oh, sounds like I'm planning, but I'm not really).
I am going to stop doing and start being.
I am not going to read at all times, as a way of avoiding being and thinking.
I am going to spend some time every day just being. I want to create a new ritual when I wake up - to go outside with a cup of tea and just be.
In fact, I'm going to go be now.
Much love,
Jess
posted by Jessie at 11:53 am
1 Comments:
Hi Jess! Thank you for sharing part of you and your journey; I feel privileged. My journey has been very different from yours but it has had its challenges. I am certainly 'guilty' of keeping busy to avoid reality. It took me time to discover that I could just 'be'; once I did and others respected my need to 'be' life became better paced and relaxing and I more peaceful; afterall we are spiritual beings! Taking time to watch my daughter can be an inspiration; she takes such pleasure in simple, small things and takes the time to notice them; sometimes I feel very much that she is far more in touch with 'being'. You and yours are constantly in our prayers. Alison
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