Jessica Horton, Party Animal Extraordinaire

Was it really so much to ask? I just wanted a girls' night out. My body was craving salmon and I wanted to take it somewhere nice to for quality salmon, if I'm going to go to all the effort of eating dead animal. I wanted to see my girlfriends. I wanted a cocktail or two. Is that too demanding??

I tried to sleep as much as possible in the lead up to Friday night. But no-go. Just erratic. Sometimes I am just wide awake. Sometimes I'm just groggy. There is no rhyme or reason to my sleeping.

Anyway, Friday night I was exhausted. The bone weary exhausted type. Nothing I can do about it when I get to that state. I cannot fake perky. I'm just exhausted. And I feel really bad about being lousy company as well as making it an early night.

Add to that my stomach was doing the hokey pokey and I didn't even enjoy the salmon that much. *Wry smile*

So on Saturday we head off to Roland's for a BBQ. I've had a bit of sleep, but an hour or two in I am asleep. Sitting in my chair, around the table, fast asleep. Now, if it was a few hours later and I'd had a lot more to drink you can understand the whole fast asleep at a party thing. But no. This was before the sun went down.

I am officially the girl who sleeps at parties. (I then went upstairs and slept on the couch. Cool.)

So after sleeping all day today, it's 1am. And awake. However, I'm tired, and in a lot of pain, so I've just taken some morphine so should sleep okay. Although morphine sleep is always really foggy and groggy and choppy.

Actually, while I'm in whinging mood, I hate being groggy all the time. I hate the effects of painkillers. I hate feeling stupid and cloudy. I hate the concreting effect they have. I hate the fact that I can't drive. I hate the fact that they make me nauseous.

I do like their pain-relieving effects. And every now and again you get a bit of a spin. I feel a bit bad for enjoying the spin but hey, you gotta take your perks where you get 'em. Even if it's a bit sad that your perks happen to be a tax-payer funded drug habit. (I think I should be really careful where I say things like that.)

Sar, I have just had to give a demonstration of "I've got a mallet." Good thing I still remember the dance. Wish I had a mallet. Jason thinks that the mallet song is better than psychological puke because it has a dance to go with it. I pointed out that there is, unfortunately, a dance to go with Psychological Puke.

I am going to start keeping a diary of when and how I've slept, what and when I've eaten, and what and when I've taken medications. Maybe there is a pattern to my wildly erratic sense of well-being.

When I feel okay, I feel good. I am happy. Things are great. If I'm feeling lousy, or tired, or just not good, everything sucks. I am completely at the mercy of the way my body is reacting.

But I really hate being so foggy on pain killers all the time. I really miss clarity of thought.

Hope you are well. So far my goal of posting more often and shorter is going gangbusters!

God bless,

Jess xoxoxox