One of those big posts

Okay, this is one of those posts that I put off because I have too much I need to update you all on, so I end up putting it off until it gets really big.

After all my whinging, I actually recovered really well from the last dose of chemo, after about 10 days. Which, to be fair to my whinging, is a long time to be chemo-sick. I managed to do some nice normal things, like go to the Ten Tenors and Little Britain Live, both of which were awesome. My appetite also came back, and I have had the mad munchies courtesy of the steroids. Predominantly for milk (I'm drinking a litre or so a day... I love milk right now) and Smith's Barbeque chips. NOT Samboy. Must be Smiths. Especially with milk. Did I mention I love milk?

So I've done two cycles, which is what I committed to, and then I had some scans done to find out how effective it's been. My thinking was if it's not working, then there is no point my submitting myself to the gruesomeness of chemo. I also splurged on a trip to Sydney to consult my Sydney specialist, who has done the most research and knows as much as anyone does about my poxy disease (ie not much).

The verdict is that the tumours have shrunk a little (maybe 10%). More importantly though, I haven't had any new problems like I was towards the end of last year (the second ovary, followed by the neck pain, followed by the nausea), so it looks like it is doing some good. So I will continue for another four cycles, which is the most they would do anyway. That's another three months here in Brissie, and then I will go up to Mackay to convalesce for awhile.

Otherwise I had a really good (if a bit tiring) weekend in Sydney - I spent Thursday at the hospital seeing my doctor, and then I gatecrashed a LifeForce support group meeting. It was really good to see everyone there, but there were a also a few people I didn't get to see. I think about everyone a lot, and I really miss the group. It's not just the ability to talk about everything (that's what the blog is for these days!) but it's just knowing that there are other people going through the same thing. That's what I really miss. It's very easy to feel all alone on this journey.

I went into work on Friday and ABC came down to Westpac to do some filming, which was strange - people are much less excited to see you when they're being filmed! But I think we got some good footage, and then I had a really nice lunch with everyone. It was great to see everyone, although being back in the office made me really miss my job.

In the afternoon, Jacqui and I went out to Westmead to see my doctor again (Jacqui took the day off work to hang out with me). Then we went back into the city to have drinks with some friends (and ABC as well). It was a pretty good evening, except I got a bit stroppy with Richard at one point, something I still need to work on. I'm a bit low on patience and tolerance there. I'm trying to be more forgiving, as our good Lord teaches. It's kinda my little project at the moment - forgive him, whether he is sorry or not.

Saturday Jacqui and I did a little bit of shopping and then went to Brad's to watch DVDs. On Sunday I went back to Baulkham Hills Baptist Church with the Jos. It was so good, I really miss the church. Everyone is so welcoming and they all prayed for me. Plus it's great music and the people are wonderful too. I love you all.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) chemo all starts again, at the crack of dawn (7.40! And I should point out that I am officially a Bum, and therefore that is extremely early for me). I'm not looking forward to it, but I am going to try and maintain my curent positive attitude. My bible study lately has been on the topic of God's wisdom and knowledge and the fact that everything that happens is part of His plan and that His plan is based on perfect wisdom, unlike ours. So everything that is happening needs to happen in order for me to become the person that God wants me to be. So I'm going to try and learn from our Saviour's example and more forgiving, less complaining and more trusting.

Thanks to everyone in Sydney for a great weekend.

Lots of love,

Jessie xoxox

First and only warning

Anyone making Britney Spears jokes will be instantly shaved bald in the dead of the night.

Popping head out for a second

I am in a big fat chemo hole. I'm just hiding away until I feel like a human being and less like a really sick slug.

The good:
We are now in a Leukaemia Foundation house, and settled in.
I bought a beautiful leather recliner. I call it the magic chair, because it's the only place I'm comfortable and don't feel really bad.
I love my mum.

The bad:
I'm so nauseous it's crippling.
I have no energy to even stand.
There seems to be a correlation between standing and nausea. If I'm sitting in the magic chair the nausea goes away.

The ugly:
The magic chair is stationary in one position. Thus, I have one position.
I no longer like food.
I'm bald AND skinny.

Truth is I have turned the corner slightly and am feeling slightly better. Will post more later.

Thanks for all the comments everyone. I hope to get around to emailing everyone soon.

Jess xoxoxo

PS Gone off condensed milk.

So much for a good week...

Just a short post, my good week hasn't turned out to be that great physically. I am extremely low in energy - I really struggle to get out of bed, let alone chew food, which means that I don't have energy to do things like get out of bed or chew food, and thus the cycle continues...

I am on steroids to stimulate my energy levels and appetite (yes, Jessica Disteldorf, gourmet and gourmand extraordinaire, is on drugs to INCREASE her appetite!) but they don't seem to be working (apart from condensed milk, of course. Loooove condensed milk right now. Mama lets me.)

Just wanted to post to let you all know that if you put your fingers up my nose and thumb in my mouth, you could throw me down a bowling alley (pity about the neck damage). Yes, my hair is all gone. It was shedding like mad and I was so sick of having hair EVERYWHERE that Mama and I had an hour-long brushing session and pulled most of it out. Unfortunately I have a lot of hair, and still resembled a dog with mange. Bad mange. So a quick visit to the hairdresser and a zero all over has fixed that. It's growing on Sophie. She wasn't keen at first. By the end of the week she'll want one too.

Chemo starts again tomorrow. Yee-ha.

I'll post more when things settle down. We're probably moving into a Leukaemia Foundation house by the end of the week, so hopefully we can establish a bit more routine.

I hate cancer.

Jess xoxoxo.